Motorpsycho Nitemare

Appears on:
Time For The Rest Of Your Life (Single)

I pounded on the farmhouse looking for a place to stay
I was mighty mighty tired and I'd come a long long way
I said "Hey hey in there! Is there anybody home?"
I was standing on the steps, feeling most alone
When out comes a farmer, must have thought that I was nuts
He immediately looked at me and stabbed a gun into my guts
Well I fell down to my bended knees
Saying "I dig farmers, don't shoot me please!"
He cocked his rifle and began to shout
"Are you that travelling salesman that I heard about?"
I said "no, no, no, I'm a doctor and it's true!
I'm a clean cut kid, and I've been to college too."

When in comes his daughter who's name was Rita
She looked like she'd stepped out of a Dolce Vita
I immediately tried to cool it with her Dad
And told him what a nice pretty farm he had
He said "What do doctors know about farms, pray tell?"
I said "I was born at the bottom of a wishing well."
By the dirt beneath the nails I guess he knew I wouldn't lie
He said "I guess you're tired", he said it kinda sly
I said "yesterday ten thousand miles I drove"
He said "I got a bed for you, underneath this stove.
Just one condition, you can go to sleep right now -
That you don't touch my daughter, and in the morning milk the cow."

I was sleeping like a rat when I heard something jerking
There stood Rita looking just like Tony Perkins
She said "would you like to take a shower? I'll shut the door"
I said "no, no, no, been through this movie before."
I knew I had to split but I did not know how
When she said "would you like to take that shower now?"
Well I could not just leave unless the old man chased me out
'Cos I'd already promised that I'd milk his cows
I had to say something to strike him very weird
So I yelled "I like Fidel Castro and his beard!"
Rita looked offended but she got out of the way
He came charging down the stairs saying "what's that I heard you say?"

Said "I like Fidel Castro, I think you heard me right"
And I ducked as he swung at me with all his might
Rita mumbled something about her Mother on the hill
As his fist it hit the ice box he said he's gonna kill
Me if I don't get out the door in two seconds flat
You Unpatriotic Rotten Doctor Commie Rat
Well he threw a Reader's Digest at my head and I did run
I did a somersault as I seen him get his gun
I crashed through the window at a hundred miles an hour
And landed fully glassed in his garden flowers
Rita said "come back!" and he started to load
Sun was coming up and I was running down the road

I don't figure I'll be back there for a spell
Though Rita moved away and got a job in a motel
He still waits for me, prancing on the sly
He wants to turn me in to the F.B.I.
Me romping, stomping, thankful as I romp
Without freedom of speech I might be in that swamp

In case you're wondering, it's not a typo, that's how it was spelt on the single... at least on the 12" I've got.... smug? Me?