Tour Diary

This is a tour diary from the last tour strangelove did. It was written by Julian Pransky-Poole. Enjoy.

4/3 Bristol

You know what ? I pack like I`m going away for 6 years. I`ve only just started reading this year, NOT that I CAN`T read, just that I have a short attention span, I can`t commit to a book, any book.
Anyway that`s my problem not yours, WHERE IS THIS GOING ?? Well I packed about a libraries worth of classic literature. Did I read any of it whilst I was away ?? did I fuck. I wore the same shirt every night. I took about five photos the whole time I was away. I listened to only two tapes on my walkman the whole time. (I took more than you see at a Car Boot sale, believe me it`s a lot)
Let's face it.I was carrying around 150 lbs of needless crap.
So the bus arrives late, it broke down. Off to a flying one huh!
Choosing the BUNK
The thing you`ve got to take into account here is that everyone I know can sleep through an Earthquake..I can`t even sleep through the sound of a ticking clock. This was gonna have to be a wise choice.
There's "Where is the Hi Fi?" to consider.
"How far am I from Berridge" (He snores to Olympic proportions).
"Top or Bottom?"
I spent the whole journey to Dover changing from one bunk to the next. What a fucking loser you're thinking. Get to Dover in what seems like record time. Record time if we were going by Zimmer Frame. JEEESUS! This IS going to take SIX years to get back home. Just as well I packed for that long huh!

Koln 5/3

Only one thing on my mind. After last nights attempts at sleep..I need a pillow that is just a bit softer than a Breeze Block. Go to Hotel and break into laundry room. Easy! The problem is getting back past reception with a pillow under my shirt. Went to the Cathedral with Pad. I remember coming here years ago in my car in 1988. I drove all the way here, and the next day I realised I forgot to actually go in!! By that time it was too late.
I was in Chamonix, drunk, smoking my first cigarette and choking to death on my embarrassment and Marlboro. Rodney supported us tonight and he was fantastic. I hadn`t seen him in years. I`m looking forward to his new album. Gig was strange. It was like playing at the bottom of a wheel chair slope. Concrete everywhere. Mind you the city wasn`t much different. I think there's a good reason why!!

Eindhoven 6/3: err... I can`t remember

Den Hagg 7/3

Tonight's gig was one of the most enjoyable gigs ever. The crowd was amazing..very vocal and very energetic. So different to the UK. We`re spoilt for choice in England...there`s too many fucking bands in England. Do we really have room for a Bucks Fizz reformation ?? What next Maureen from Driving School singing Car Wash?!?

DAY OFF 8/3

Sunday. FUCK!!! Sundays suck in Bristol. I can`t imagine they are going to be any better here I found one shop yesterday that was an Emporium of collectibles. She had the Charlies Angels Dolls Mint In Box, that will be M.I.B. from now on, and the COOLEST Man From Atlantis poster EVER! Walked away with nothing as I had no money on me. Couldn`t return as she was about to shut and I can`t go back today, because it`s SUNDAY and everything is freaking closed.

Belgium 9/3

I got spat at for not paying the cleaner/entrance charge in the station toilet Hell! I paid. I didn`t have any money so I paid her with some advice. This one is great. We are playing in the HOOD. We have been warned of how violent it is outside, so we are stuck inside with a flask of perfumed coffee. Eeech ! I hate that crap. Whatever happened to just simple coffee? More to the point, what the FUCK are we playing in a war zone for?
On stage I amuse myself with the "Lone Gunman" theory and look for snipers in the audience!! And that woman who spat on me today man..if she was here I could get great trajectory from where I`m standing !
Gig went well.
Bus got broken into.
I dodge bullets as I run from the venue to the bus.(I`m joking of course)

Paris 10/3

Today is the day I do my PARIS MATCH interview. Some hope. I get a fanzine writer who only sold 7 copies of the last issue, which I was already in !!! I try to conduct interview pretending that I am doing a PARIS MATCH interview. This goes right over her head. Tonight should be good, not the gig but the meal after. I had the swordfish just in case you were interested.
Mulhouse 11/3

I heard after the show that some people asked for their money back..it was that bad. I took it as a compliment. I did the entire gig with my back to the audience. Must of meant they actually WANTED to see my face!! Worst audience EVER. It was like playing to a blind, deaf, and mute party.

Lyon 12/3

Played a mexican restaurant tonight ! We supported ourselves..did some acoustic stuff first It was nice to play "Elins" again. I borrowed the new AC/DC album of the DJ to listen to. I couldn`t quite get past the opening lyric."Honey Roll over and Lettuce on top, I`ll ketchup now" and then went on to compare a woman to a quarter pounder with cheese. Me and John soundcheck with "Back in Black". What a riff. Fuck knows what they are doing now with that new album..jesus.
After the gig, which was surprisingly great, the club turned into a nightclub with Dancing Girls. Very Vegas, actually more like Vegas going on Scunthorpe. Tragic. And then there were dancing men which Joe and Nick found amusing to the point of hysteria. What a surprise. They played Imbruglia's "Torn", this DJ was far out man..FAR OUT ! Some weirdo followed me backstage to meet everyone. Unfortunately he knocked Alex's beer flying and talked non stop about light aircraft. Berridge followed the dancing guys on stage to complete and utter beer spluttering and laughter from us the whole night then fell into strangeness with everyone like a dog who had just been shown a card trick !!

Marsielle 13/3

Berridge had warned me that Marseille "was a dangerous city" at the start of the tour. By the time we got here it had turned into "Marseille is the most violent town in the whole of Europe full of gangsters and other mob wannabes." I walked right through town after the show past weirdoes and crack dealers and the only hassle I had was in deciding what cake to buy in a late night Patisserie. Seemed okay to me. Maybe it's the get up I wear, maybe they just stand there and think "Poor bastard, let's leave him alone, for God's sake he`s still wearing Bell Bottoms" Bus is broke again. Zurich is cancelled. Spent some time in Nice. Joe, John, The Peepster and I went for a fantastic meal. I had the Prawns in a satay sauce in case you were interested.
Friebourg 15/3

What an "up it`s own arse" town this is. I walked around listening to the new James Iha album on my walkman (fantastic) whilst observing 007 wannabes everywhere. Everyone wearing Gucci ski suits and walking around in pain, as their DIAMOND SHOES were pinching. Reminds me of what Dennis Leary says. "They can do what they like, but we got the bombs okay!"

16/3 Zurich. ALEX'S BIRTHDAY

Went to buy Alex his present from everyone. A violin bow. As strange as it may seem the idea was to present Alex with THE BOW and a Brandy on a silver tray for "Living With The Human Machines"
So I`m in this shop with Berridge and we are buying this bow and I`m just wanting to get out of there as quick as possible. The shop had that kind of X files thing going. It was too clean. Jessusss it was being cleaned as we were in there. It stank of cleaning chemicals..I was getting high on bleach. No matter how you pass it off, a shop THAT clean has got something to hide. Now I`m not saying I saw bodies and blood, but it was like "Let's get the bow and get the fuck out of here before these Jiff liquid fumes ignite." The storekeeper was aghast when we said "Any bow will do, it`s gonna get trashed tonight anyway" I swear as I left the store they were cleaning off the door handle that I had just touched. And there was a guy outside, actually licking the pavement clean !!!! (joking of course)
Berridge presented Alex with the Bow. Whilst we watched. Alex took centre stage and BOWED like the true Wizard Jimmy Page. The book Hammer of the Gods (the Led Zepplin story) had been doing the rounds within the band. I could go on about how I ACTUALLY FINISHED A BOOK FOR ONCE here but I won`t.
I`ve never seen Nobuko rush for her camera as much as then. A complete 36 roll done in seconds.

Some Special Needs case jumped up on stage for Human Machines and knocked my pedals flying and then set about destroying Joe's setup.
Morrison said it best. "People are strange"

17/3 Lake Como

One of the nicest places on Earth. One of the most expensive places on Earth, even the bums have Gold cards ..We took a speedboat out on the lake..and took a cable car ride up into the mountains. I imagined the cable snapping and calculated how fast we would fall to Earth. I had time on my hands. John sadly put acid in his eyes.. By mistake of course. Not the sort of thing you do on purpose. It`s not like you wake up and think "Fuck it, I`ll set my retinas on fire." Anyway I felt very sorry for John. We went out for a fantastic meal. I had the Sea Food Grill just in case you were interested. I can not believe that on such a beautiful day off, I found our driver sat on the bus Midday, sunny outside. Smelly inside, and he`s sat there playing DOOM on the freaking Playstation. "Watcha mate.. This is the level. Get the shotgun. Up the stairs, turn left, through the door now change your gun, put the kettle on, no sugar" Hopeless. Mind you, I did have a quick go ! Had breakfast at Micky D`s. If there`s one thing you can be sure of. McDonalds sucks everywhere. They should be proud of such consistency. Sucks in Berlin. Sucks in Idaho.. Sucks in London. Guess What ??? It sucks here too.

Onto Milan 18/3

For "THE CITY OF FASHION", I`ll tell you, they dress like trailer trash. Alex, John, The Peepster, Joe and myself jumped the tram into town to see the England match Fuck knows why, I HATE FOOTBALL. Watched it in a bar that was obviously holding its "couples" night. There was a lot of love in the air. except for the dark cloud over my head as I couldn`t believe I actually used to like Guns and Roses, who were playing on the jukebox. Getting a taxi in some cities is like trying to find the Ark. Got to the gig with no time for my usual shadow boxing and limbering up exercises (I`m joking by the way)
The gig was hopeless. Playing a club night is weird. The band is just an inconvenience to the dance floor and the DJ. You`ve got a bunch of psyched up, pestoed to the eye balls punks dancing to some Euro beat and then guess what. We walk on stage. The image of a dishevelled mexican bandit holding a gun saying "do you have any last requests" sprang into mind. Patrick vomited on a kid in the audience who seemed to love it. Morrison said it best.

19/3 Rome

This place always amazes me. Such a beautiful city, and such complacency of the place with the city dwellers. A crime in itself is becoming so complacent with a person or place, and to be like that with Rome is unbelievable. Newport Pagnell yes, Rome no. Did some interviews with Patrick at the EMI offices. They laid on a great supply of Danish Pastries. Most of the questions were about Pad's lyrics. I`m hardly going to butt in am I ! Hell..I didn`t care. The mini pizza slices had arrived. Took a tour of the Vatican with Pad. Enquired about the conspiracy theories connected to the Vatican and the Pope, they weren`t received well. I still think the Dodo is alive and kicking and I think the Pope knows where. That`s all I`m saying okay.
Gig was fantastic. Only marred by the two white trash girls from England who came backstage and were very rude to us.I threw two huge Californian Red apples at one of them which hit her right on the head. She was so far gone on over priced cocaine she couldn`t have cared less. I told her "NEVER DO IT FOR MONEY DEAR, YOU`LL ALWAYS BE BROKE!" I found it funny.

20/3 Rimini. Off season.

Being in the Resort of Rimini in "off season" is like being on Mars. There`s probably life out there somewhere!! Hey, both places have water! I took an hour to decide what to eat from the menu. I got completely irate with myself and when I finally decided the waitress said "Sorry, we are fresh out." Fuck! I had the Risotto starter and Sole as a main if you're interested. Gig was great. I spent the entire first half trying to kick down a wall that kept knocking my guitar out of tune. I could not be rational and consider that it was Me that was knocking into the wall. NO!!! It was the wall that had the attitude.

21/3 Pordenone

Now I don`t get drunk often, but last night I was drinking like a maniac. I awoke feeling dreadful.
Okay last gig in a big UFO shaped club in Shitsville. I`m absolutely nowhere from anywhere and I feel sick I NEED COFFEE.. I`m screwed. NO! I am so BEYOND screwed that the light travelling from screwed would take 6 MILLION light years to reach me. Took the train to Venice with Alex, Nick, John, Johnny H, and Joe. They don`t come more beautiful than this city. Me Nick and Joe got ripped of by a street vendor selling paper cut outs of Mickey Mouse that could magically dance at the sound of music and then stop when the music stops. Hey I was drunk. That`s my excuse. Gig was the funniest ever.
Feel emotionally weird that it`s over.

Feel even weirder getting back to Dover and eating McDonalds again.